There is a saying that "God created the tail of the goat according to its capacity" i.e. Only that kind of problem will come which is within your capacity to handle. So, when faced with difficult times, don't panic. Be Like water that overcomes all obstacles and moves on.
See your problem as small compared to others'. When a problem appears small, you are able to solve it.
Remember other people face harder times than what you are facing.
Serve others who have bigger problems. Don't prolong a problem by thinking about it all the time.
Become a part the solution. Look back and see that past problems had vanished. Invoke the valour in you and keep your mind peaceful in all situations. Everything else will be taken care of.
You are forgetting a strength in you Prayer and power of your Sankalpa (positive intention). Prayer is feeling the helplessness and asking for God`s help, because the Divine belongs to the weak. That's why He is called Deenabandhuthe friend, relative and redeemer of the weak, meek, powerless and helpless.
Remember that nature loves you, God loves you; there is always an unseen hand working for you in difficult times. Have faith that whenever you are in trouble, you will always be helped.
When a farmer sifts his grain through a broad sieve, all the grains fall down to the ground while the mere husk simply flies away in the air. Similarly, if your faith is shaken quickly or often, then you are akin to the flying husk lost and anchorless. But if your love, faith, and belief are deep-rooted, then things will move on their own.
Bad times will come and go. If a room is dark for 20 years, it doesn't take another 20 years to bring light in. It just needs one connection, one switch on and the whole darkness goes away.
Establish this knowledge, "I am blessed, I can overcome" firmly in life, and surrender to the Divine. It can help you surmount any obstacle.
Try to take these steps in New Year and you will see that things are getting better and life has suddenly became so wonderful.... HAVE A BLASTING NEW YEAR 2011 TO ALL OF YOU.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
The light of good, wisdom and life
On a cold winter night, as was the custom with the little child who cuddled up next to me before sleep, my son asked me to tell him a story.
He knew of stories of the forest lions roaring, of horses racing fast in the plains, of cars moving fast in the narrow lanes, of planes flying high in the skies and whistling trains.
He wanted to know the story of Light. Many questions came into my mind but I had no answers.
Who gave light its speed and where is it going in that speed? We know of only one giant burning ball called the Sun. But who controls its switch? My son asked. I told him that, when he grows big, he will know that God is seen as Light. He will know that Light stands for knowledge, wisdom, all that is good in life, in fact life itself.
And then I paused for a while to tell him to imagine his life without light. He cannot play outside, can't go to school to sing songs, can't see his friends and can't do anything. I told him that GOD says that our eyes are the Light of the body. He says that He is the Light of the world. Light means to look bright, shine without dirt and if dirt comes, then light should shine more than dirt.
The night comes to a close and we feel happy to see the morning and the Light that comes with it. Then , he asked me but who created the Light. The divine mystery was too much for me to understand let alone explain to the Child on the Creator's games. I could see that the Child was about to enter into that innocent sleep. I paused to get an answer. In all the myriad activities of daily routines which blind us to live in darkness, it took a child to awaken the new Light that beckons us to think of the Light that controls us, before we fall asleep.
Hence we shall always remember "LIGHT MEANS TO LOOK BRIGHT, SHINE WITHOUT DIRT AND IF DIRT COMES, THEN LIGHT SHOULD SHINE MORE THAN DIRT"
He knew of stories of the forest lions roaring, of horses racing fast in the plains, of cars moving fast in the narrow lanes, of planes flying high in the skies and whistling trains.
He wanted to know the story of Light. Many questions came into my mind but I had no answers.
Who gave light its speed and where is it going in that speed? We know of only one giant burning ball called the Sun. But who controls its switch? My son asked. I told him that, when he grows big, he will know that God is seen as Light. He will know that Light stands for knowledge, wisdom, all that is good in life, in fact life itself.
And then I paused for a while to tell him to imagine his life without light. He cannot play outside, can't go to school to sing songs, can't see his friends and can't do anything. I told him that GOD says that our eyes are the Light of the body. He says that He is the Light of the world. Light means to look bright, shine without dirt and if dirt comes, then light should shine more than dirt.
The night comes to a close and we feel happy to see the morning and the Light that comes with it. Then , he asked me but who created the Light. The divine mystery was too much for me to understand let alone explain to the Child on the Creator's games. I could see that the Child was about to enter into that innocent sleep. I paused to get an answer. In all the myriad activities of daily routines which blind us to live in darkness, it took a child to awaken the new Light that beckons us to think of the Light that controls us, before we fall asleep.
Hence we shall always remember "LIGHT MEANS TO LOOK BRIGHT, SHINE WITHOUT DIRT AND IF DIRT COMES, THEN LIGHT SHOULD SHINE MORE THAN DIRT"
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The argument guide
No relationship is smooth sailing. As much as the love exists, arguments, however petty, are bound to crop up occasionally. What's important, however, is how you deal with them — let them simmer and boil out of control or nip them in the bud. If you've had an argument with your loved one, here's how to get things back on track.
Let it go:
Once the argument has died down, keep out of each other's way for a while. Don't make snap decisions or prolong the argument.
Keep it frost-free
It can be very tempting to want to freeze the other out by staying out of his/her way for as long as possible. But remember, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to start talking again.
Calm down
Shouting and screaming will not help. Not only will it give you a sore throat, but you're also more likely to say things you don't mean. So, stay calm.
The blame game
There are two sides to every argument. Trying to lay the blame on one person before the matter has been fully discussed is pointless and can lead to more resentment.
Don't get violent
If you think there's a chance that you or your partner are going to become violent during an argument, move out of there straight away.
Walk away
If your point isn't getting through, call a halt to the argument and give yourself some time to think over what to do next.
Take a break
If you feel your relationship is mostly made up of arguments and this is bringing you down, take a break from the relationship if that's possible. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
Let it go:
Once the argument has died down, keep out of each other's way for a while. Don't make snap decisions or prolong the argument.
Keep it frost-free
It can be very tempting to want to freeze the other out by staying out of his/her way for as long as possible. But remember, the longer you leave it, the harder it will be to start talking again.
Calm down
Shouting and screaming will not help. Not only will it give you a sore throat, but you're also more likely to say things you don't mean. So, stay calm.
The blame game
There are two sides to every argument. Trying to lay the blame on one person before the matter has been fully discussed is pointless and can lead to more resentment.
Don't get violent
If you think there's a chance that you or your partner are going to become violent during an argument, move out of there straight away.
Walk away
If your point isn't getting through, call a halt to the argument and give yourself some time to think over what to do next.
Take a break
If you feel your relationship is mostly made up of arguments and this is bringing you down, take a break from the relationship if that's possible. Distance does make the heart grow fonder.
Way to well-being
Every human being is interested in well-being; it is just that the scale with which people are looking at life may be different. For one person, well-being may mean just his personal well-being, for another it may mean him and his family and for somebody else it may be the whole world.
One feels well when one is happy. Even if you happen to be medically ill, if you are happy, in your experience you are still well. So, well-being essentially means a certain level of pleasantness within you. If you become pleasant in your body, we call this health; if you become very pleasant we call it pleasure. If you become pleasant in your mind, we call this peace; if you become very pleasant, we call this joy. If you become pleasant in your emotion, we call this love. If you become pleasant in your life energies, we call this bliss; if you become very pleasant we call this ecstasy. When it comes to outside pleasantness, it depends on many people and nobody can achieve this 100%; outside situations are always variable. But with the inside situation there is only one ingredient and that's you. At least within you what you want must happen. In your body, mind, emotion and life energies, if who you are is happening the way you want, you would keep yourself utterly pleasant and blissful every moment of your life. To bring about this pleasantness within you is most important because it is only when you are feeling truly blissful and absolutely pleasant within yourself that your body and mind function at their highest potential.
Your success on this planet essentially depends on your ability to use your physical body and your mind to their full potential. If your work or what you are doing is important, the first and foremost thing is, you must work upon yourself because that is the basis of everything that we do.
One feels well when one is happy. Even if you happen to be medically ill, if you are happy, in your experience you are still well. So, well-being essentially means a certain level of pleasantness within you. If you become pleasant in your body, we call this health; if you become very pleasant we call it pleasure. If you become pleasant in your mind, we call this peace; if you become very pleasant, we call this joy. If you become pleasant in your emotion, we call this love. If you become pleasant in your life energies, we call this bliss; if you become very pleasant we call this ecstasy. When it comes to outside pleasantness, it depends on many people and nobody can achieve this 100%; outside situations are always variable. But with the inside situation there is only one ingredient and that's you. At least within you what you want must happen. In your body, mind, emotion and life energies, if who you are is happening the way you want, you would keep yourself utterly pleasant and blissful every moment of your life. To bring about this pleasantness within you is most important because it is only when you are feeling truly blissful and absolutely pleasant within yourself that your body and mind function at their highest potential.
Your success on this planet essentially depends on your ability to use your physical body and your mind to their full potential. If your work or what you are doing is important, the first and foremost thing is, you must work upon yourself because that is the basis of everything that we do.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Good living norms
On fine morning as I was awaiting the thud of the newspaper, I closed my eyes and wondered at the marvel of engineering that went into the creation of species called humans.
I mused, a fool makes a simple thing complex troubling himself and others. But a genius tries to simplify a complex matter, thereby giving a positive response to a negative situation.
Life is becoming complicated and there is a lot of struggle for existence. The routine is strenuous, at times unbearable. Yet, living has to be simple, fulfilling and wholesome.
There are ways to it.
Anchoring to one's roots is essential to return to a life without hassles. A person has to have a life philosophy.
Full faith in one's deity and patience are called for. Genial family with teamwork spirit and fairness is another source of support.
Life has to be steady and not just for partying and fast club life. If we be good and do good, we look beautiful and become a pleasure to deal with. Nourishing the soul's attributes of charm, cheer and charity result in miracles.
Life is about nurturing enduring friendship for reliance and smooth sailing.
Alertness is needed for one's wellness that includes physical, mental and emotional health. The health component makes sure that you don't look your age.
Time consciousness is significant as time lost cannot be regained. At home or at work, doing something or the other all the while goes to one's credit. A busy person is a happy person and there is no room for negativity to creep in. Angularities get rounded off that ensures longevity.
“Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace“ (Bhagvad Gita 12.12). Inner and outer peace leads to prosperity.
I mused, a fool makes a simple thing complex troubling himself and others. But a genius tries to simplify a complex matter, thereby giving a positive response to a negative situation.
Life is becoming complicated and there is a lot of struggle for existence. The routine is strenuous, at times unbearable. Yet, living has to be simple, fulfilling and wholesome.
There are ways to it.
Anchoring to one's roots is essential to return to a life without hassles. A person has to have a life philosophy.
Full faith in one's deity and patience are called for. Genial family with teamwork spirit and fairness is another source of support.
Life has to be steady and not just for partying and fast club life. If we be good and do good, we look beautiful and become a pleasure to deal with. Nourishing the soul's attributes of charm, cheer and charity result in miracles.
Life is about nurturing enduring friendship for reliance and smooth sailing.
Alertness is needed for one's wellness that includes physical, mental and emotional health. The health component makes sure that you don't look your age.
Time consciousness is significant as time lost cannot be regained. At home or at work, doing something or the other all the while goes to one's credit. A busy person is a happy person and there is no room for negativity to creep in. Angularities get rounded off that ensures longevity.
“Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace“ (Bhagvad Gita 12.12). Inner and outer peace leads to prosperity.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Conversation with God
We are the luckiest. We have the biggest fortune to have been born as human beings. We have a way to commune with God. Animals cannot worship, meditate or commune with Him. Humans are endowed with all special divine qualities as love, faith, devotion and prayer. The only problem is that these qualities and the all-powerful soul are covered by veils of delusion.
The second fortune is to have a Master or guru; he, as an embodiment of God, shows us our true self, teaches us to meditate and how to commune with the Lord. If we are devoted and faithful and allow ourselves to be guided by the guru, we experience a sea change in us. He teaches us with love how to converse with our biggest friend---the Lord. We can engage ourselves in endless conversations with Him, pour our hearts out to Him; He is a patient listener and a loving one, too. He is so near us, within each cell of our body, mind and soul, He resides within the inner depths of our being and so easy to talk to.
God is so close to us, nearer than our own heartbeat, closer than anyone else in this world. When our thoughts are stilled, we are calm and peaceful, when the rigmarole of life refuses to affect us; God listens to all our prayers; whatever we say is portrayed easily and clearly to Him.
Just as the reflection of the moon is clear in still waters, whereas its image is distorted in disturbed water; similarly when we have a barrage of thoughts and endless worries in our minds, then our contact with God is faulty and broken. To renew the link with which we have been born, to re-establish our rapport with loving God, all we have to do is purely love Him. When we love only Him with all our heart and soul, He cannot stand the separation with us and He comes with His entire kingdom!
The second fortune is to have a Master or guru; he, as an embodiment of God, shows us our true self, teaches us to meditate and how to commune with the Lord. If we are devoted and faithful and allow ourselves to be guided by the guru, we experience a sea change in us. He teaches us with love how to converse with our biggest friend---the Lord. We can engage ourselves in endless conversations with Him, pour our hearts out to Him; He is a patient listener and a loving one, too. He is so near us, within each cell of our body, mind and soul, He resides within the inner depths of our being and so easy to talk to.
God is so close to us, nearer than our own heartbeat, closer than anyone else in this world. When our thoughts are stilled, we are calm and peaceful, when the rigmarole of life refuses to affect us; God listens to all our prayers; whatever we say is portrayed easily and clearly to Him.
Just as the reflection of the moon is clear in still waters, whereas its image is distorted in disturbed water; similarly when we have a barrage of thoughts and endless worries in our minds, then our contact with God is faulty and broken. To renew the link with which we have been born, to re-establish our rapport with loving God, all we have to do is purely love Him. When we love only Him with all our heart and soul, He cannot stand the separation with us and He comes with His entire kingdom!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The war within
Antahkarana is a broad term used in Vedanta and includes manas (mind), buddhi (intellect), chitta (subconscious mind), and ahamkara (egoism). Manas is that aspect of the mind which is constantly in doubt. For example, the thought whether one should buy a car or not etc.
Intellect is the faculty that sheds doubt and takes a firm decision. Chitta is the aspect of the mind which concentrates and enquires into the nature of things. The function of memory belongs to chitta.
Ahamkara is the self-arrogating principle that performs the function of abhimana or egoism. It creates mamata or mine-ness and is the root cause of all suffering.
Mind is under constant sway of three gunas or qualities of prakriti, viz. sattva, rajas and tamas. Sattva represents purity or light; rajas is passion or activity; while tamas is inertia or darkness.
Preponderance of rajas results in constant kshipta or wandering of the mind that becomes a slave of various sensual objects. When the mind is filled with tamas, it abides in ignorance and becomes forgetful. Deep sleep supervenes on account of excess of tamas.
If sattva dominates the mind, thoughts of God, brahm-vichara (enquiry into truth), etc. will manifest. The seeker enters into a meditative mood spontaneously.
Significantly, sattva is always mixed with rajas and tamas and does not exist in isolation. It is important for the seeker to increase the sattvic modifications (like forgiveness, love, mercy etc.) so that he could experience joy, purity, and, ultimately, enlightenment. This can be accomplished by heating the mind in the fire of vairagya (dispassion) and atmavichara(Self-enquiry).
There is a constant internal fight among the three gunas; between good vrittis(mental modifications) and evil vrittis. This is the warfare between suras(gods) and asuras (demons)
Intellect is the faculty that sheds doubt and takes a firm decision. Chitta is the aspect of the mind which concentrates and enquires into the nature of things. The function of memory belongs to chitta.
Ahamkara is the self-arrogating principle that performs the function of abhimana or egoism. It creates mamata or mine-ness and is the root cause of all suffering.
Mind is under constant sway of three gunas or qualities of prakriti, viz. sattva, rajas and tamas. Sattva represents purity or light; rajas is passion or activity; while tamas is inertia or darkness.
Preponderance of rajas results in constant kshipta or wandering of the mind that becomes a slave of various sensual objects. When the mind is filled with tamas, it abides in ignorance and becomes forgetful. Deep sleep supervenes on account of excess of tamas.
If sattva dominates the mind, thoughts of God, brahm-vichara (enquiry into truth), etc. will manifest. The seeker enters into a meditative mood spontaneously.
Significantly, sattva is always mixed with rajas and tamas and does not exist in isolation. It is important for the seeker to increase the sattvic modifications (like forgiveness, love, mercy etc.) so that he could experience joy, purity, and, ultimately, enlightenment. This can be accomplished by heating the mind in the fire of vairagya (dispassion) and atmavichara(Self-enquiry).
There is a constant internal fight among the three gunas; between good vrittis(mental modifications) and evil vrittis. This is the warfare between suras(gods) and asuras (demons)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Go beyond self
The world seems to be possessed by lust. The urge to acquire much more than what one can bite seems to have influenced us all. The farther one runs to amass material resources, the farther and more alluring they get. Recall the recent news on the plight of a poor lady, who was rushed from one hospital to another by her helpless husband, for immediate dialysis that she needed, but was turned away from every door. Our cities, today, are flooded with multi-speciality hospitals but are meant only for the rich.
But, what about charity?
The government has tried to implement the norm which says that each such institution should have beds to accommodate people who belong to below poverty line.
This helps me get connected to the concept of `Daswand', started by Guru Gobind Singh, the 10th guru of the Sikhs. It says every person, in proportion to his economic status, should donate or keep aside one tenth of his earnings for philanthropic purposes. I heard about it from my grand mother and later saw my parents follow it. And now, when I have the opportunity, I have been trying to continue with it. And yet I have never faced dearth of any material resources.
Another example from the Sikh history that inspires us to believe in charity is that of Bhai Kanhaiya, who was blessed with the idea of neutral service to the mankind.
During the battle days, he would carry water and bandages to the battle ground and would equally treat the warriors from either side and serve them with love. His answer for the neutral concern was that he saw the glimpse of God in each wounded person whether a Hindu, Sikh or a Muslim.
Such ideology nourishes our soul and brings us closer to the Almighty. Let us implement such philosophy and see the blessings pour in and change the course of life.
But, what about charity?
The government has tried to implement the norm which says that each such institution should have beds to accommodate people who belong to below poverty line.
This helps me get connected to the concept of `Daswand', started by Guru Gobind Singh, the 10th guru of the Sikhs. It says every person, in proportion to his economic status, should donate or keep aside one tenth of his earnings for philanthropic purposes. I heard about it from my grand mother and later saw my parents follow it. And now, when I have the opportunity, I have been trying to continue with it. And yet I have never faced dearth of any material resources.
Another example from the Sikh history that inspires us to believe in charity is that of Bhai Kanhaiya, who was blessed with the idea of neutral service to the mankind.
During the battle days, he would carry water and bandages to the battle ground and would equally treat the warriors from either side and serve them with love. His answer for the neutral concern was that he saw the glimpse of God in each wounded person whether a Hindu, Sikh or a Muslim.
Such ideology nourishes our soul and brings us closer to the Almighty. Let us implement such philosophy and see the blessings pour in and change the course of life.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Sleep over the stress
There are few things in life that can't wait till tomorrow. Don't react immediately to a problem, sleep on it
I was very stressed out over something the other day. Much more stressed than I normally allow myself to get. There came a point, towards the end of a remarkably trying day that I conclusively felt that something I'd been working hard to achieve, was, in fact, quite worthless.
It's in that state of mind that I walked into Pappu Singh's dhaba.
As any of you who's been following this column knows, Pappu Singh is great at giving practical gyan. But surprisingly on that day, as I vented and vented about how unreasonable the situation I found myself in was, Pappu Singh silently kept doing his work without uttering a word. When I finally got ready to pay for my food and leave, he said, `Sir, one advice. Don't talk about your problems, just go home and sleep.'
I gave him a fake smile and left.
After all, how could I have expected someone like him, whose life involved frying pakoras the whole day, to understand the complexities of professional life. Of course he wouldn't know how we've always been taught that talking about a problem really helps in offloading the burden and making one feel lighter inside. Or so I thought.
When I got back home, I found a couple of friends waiting for me. One of them, a filmmaker, had been having a lot of trouble managing his crew and dealing with the tantrums of his producer. Thus began a whole new session of venting... all over again. By the end of `sharing' my troubles and listening to those of the others, over and over, I realised I was not feeling any lighter. On the contrary, it felt at that moment as if everything was wrong in our universe. The evening ended with us heaving a a collective sigh of grief for our respective troubles, and my friend saying, `let's not talk about these things anymore, we should just go home and sleep.'
The words sounded familiar.
That's exactly what Pappu Singh had said, but two hours and ten thousands expressions of stress earlier.
The point of narrating all this is simple. I, like you, have always believed that talking about our problems is healthy as it does not let negativity accumulate inside you. But sometimes, in fact many a times, repeatedly talking about things that are going wrong, especially with people who can't really do anything to help ease matters, only adds to the stress.
Another things that aggravates the feeling of stress, bigtime, is our tendency to look for immediate resolution of our problems.
We are hurt, we want to retort or take some action... right there and then. But does reacting to a negative situation at a time when stress has already overcome your ability to think rationally, help? No, it does not.
If you think carefully, you'll realise that most reactions and decisions taken in the heat of the moment, when you are anyway in an upset frame of mind, make you feel `not quite right', later.
The calmness trick?
Do what Pappu Singh said, stop talking about it, just go off to sleep. I can almost guarantee that if you are able to put the break of a peaceful night's sleep between your chain of thoughts, chances are, you'll awaken to a brighter and positive outlook in the morning, much better than how you felt in tense state of mind the evening before.
A lot of my friends who are married or in a relationship take pride in saying that they `never sleep on a fight.' `Whatever the fight or argument is about, I insist that we stay up and resolve, before we hit the bed,' says a friend. I'm not quite sure if that works for everyone. Most couples fight over matters that arise due to inherent differences in their personalities. Accepting those differences and going off to sleep quietly at the time when no solution is likely to come out of constant bickering, is also not a bad idea. The morning may bring renewed energy to understand your partner's point or situation. Nothing good comes out of flogging a tired mind anyway.
When it comes to taking important decisions in life, time and subconscious are important tools that we mostly ignore, while they are great healers and problem solvers.
Make it a rule in life -when it's late, and you are tired, confused and stressed, don't talk.
Simply go to bed. If a decision can wait till tomorrow, sleeping on it works like magic. Try it.
I was very stressed out over something the other day. Much more stressed than I normally allow myself to get. There came a point, towards the end of a remarkably trying day that I conclusively felt that something I'd been working hard to achieve, was, in fact, quite worthless.
It's in that state of mind that I walked into Pappu Singh's dhaba.
As any of you who's been following this column knows, Pappu Singh is great at giving practical gyan. But surprisingly on that day, as I vented and vented about how unreasonable the situation I found myself in was, Pappu Singh silently kept doing his work without uttering a word. When I finally got ready to pay for my food and leave, he said, `Sir, one advice. Don't talk about your problems, just go home and sleep.'
I gave him a fake smile and left.
After all, how could I have expected someone like him, whose life involved frying pakoras the whole day, to understand the complexities of professional life. Of course he wouldn't know how we've always been taught that talking about a problem really helps in offloading the burden and making one feel lighter inside. Or so I thought.
When I got back home, I found a couple of friends waiting for me. One of them, a filmmaker, had been having a lot of trouble managing his crew and dealing with the tantrums of his producer. Thus began a whole new session of venting... all over again. By the end of `sharing' my troubles and listening to those of the others, over and over, I realised I was not feeling any lighter. On the contrary, it felt at that moment as if everything was wrong in our universe. The evening ended with us heaving a a collective sigh of grief for our respective troubles, and my friend saying, `let's not talk about these things anymore, we should just go home and sleep.'
The words sounded familiar.
That's exactly what Pappu Singh had said, but two hours and ten thousands expressions of stress earlier.
The point of narrating all this is simple. I, like you, have always believed that talking about our problems is healthy as it does not let negativity accumulate inside you. But sometimes, in fact many a times, repeatedly talking about things that are going wrong, especially with people who can't really do anything to help ease matters, only adds to the stress.
Another things that aggravates the feeling of stress, bigtime, is our tendency to look for immediate resolution of our problems.
We are hurt, we want to retort or take some action... right there and then. But does reacting to a negative situation at a time when stress has already overcome your ability to think rationally, help? No, it does not.
If you think carefully, you'll realise that most reactions and decisions taken in the heat of the moment, when you are anyway in an upset frame of mind, make you feel `not quite right', later.
The calmness trick?
Do what Pappu Singh said, stop talking about it, just go off to sleep. I can almost guarantee that if you are able to put the break of a peaceful night's sleep between your chain of thoughts, chances are, you'll awaken to a brighter and positive outlook in the morning, much better than how you felt in tense state of mind the evening before.
A lot of my friends who are married or in a relationship take pride in saying that they `never sleep on a fight.' `Whatever the fight or argument is about, I insist that we stay up and resolve, before we hit the bed,' says a friend. I'm not quite sure if that works for everyone. Most couples fight over matters that arise due to inherent differences in their personalities. Accepting those differences and going off to sleep quietly at the time when no solution is likely to come out of constant bickering, is also not a bad idea. The morning may bring renewed energy to understand your partner's point or situation. Nothing good comes out of flogging a tired mind anyway.
When it comes to taking important decisions in life, time and subconscious are important tools that we mostly ignore, while they are great healers and problem solvers.
Make it a rule in life -when it's late, and you are tired, confused and stressed, don't talk.
Simply go to bed. If a decision can wait till tomorrow, sleeping on it works like magic. Try it.
Friday, December 17, 2010
The beauty within
Inner beauty is what matters in life. We all want it but do nothing about it. I had a few hours of thinking over inner beauty recently as I got to read a booklet on the subject.
Titled Inner Beauty, the book tells one how to rekindle one's beauty inherent in one's consciousness. Thirty qualities that could make inner beauty have been listed.
Courage, patience, serenity, contentment, cheerfulness, determination, gentleness, flexibility, humility, mercy, purity of mind and heart, simplicity, truthfulness and wisdom are some of the elements listed.
Of all these, what impressed me most was a chapter on introversion. It starts with a statement that it is the meeting point between beauty and plainness. It is when on the outside there is only love and warmth, but inside there is wisdom and perception. Outside, there are relationships with a few, but inside a relationship with the world. Similarly, outside, there is concern for the present, but inside there is awareness for the future. In other words, introversion is like the door which divides the inside from the outside.
Introversion is also total involvement with whatever one does for the good of others. It is participation in a manner that leads to progress and happiness in one's and others' lives. It is speaking with love and peace, walking with humility and showering of pure love.
Introversion begins when one, instead of staying within, chooses to venture out and see what and how one can do for the good of others.
Introversion is the point when the `night' ends and all “windows and doors are flung open“. And it is the time when privacy and individuality are thrown to the wind. It is a unique period of sharing and growing and enjoying together. A time when the virtue that introversion has protected will be poured into a common source of joy and heralds the path to heaven.
Titled Inner Beauty, the book tells one how to rekindle one's beauty inherent in one's consciousness. Thirty qualities that could make inner beauty have been listed.
Courage, patience, serenity, contentment, cheerfulness, determination, gentleness, flexibility, humility, mercy, purity of mind and heart, simplicity, truthfulness and wisdom are some of the elements listed.
Of all these, what impressed me most was a chapter on introversion. It starts with a statement that it is the meeting point between beauty and plainness. It is when on the outside there is only love and warmth, but inside there is wisdom and perception. Outside, there are relationships with a few, but inside a relationship with the world. Similarly, outside, there is concern for the present, but inside there is awareness for the future. In other words, introversion is like the door which divides the inside from the outside.
Introversion is also total involvement with whatever one does for the good of others. It is participation in a manner that leads to progress and happiness in one's and others' lives. It is speaking with love and peace, walking with humility and showering of pure love.
Introversion begins when one, instead of staying within, chooses to venture out and see what and how one can do for the good of others.
Introversion is the point when the `night' ends and all “windows and doors are flung open“. And it is the time when privacy and individuality are thrown to the wind. It is a unique period of sharing and growing and enjoying together. A time when the virtue that introversion has protected will be poured into a common source of joy and heralds the path to heaven.
The way to meditate
Meditation aims at achieving calmness, peace and silence through a conscious psychophysical process. The process as well as the outcome takes us to the root of our existence, the essence of which is consciousness and unblemished bliss.
It is an advanced yogic method of self-realisation and it takes one through a progressive path to ultimate attainment. At each step, we undergo revelation. It involves cultivation of calmness, concentration, serenity and increasing awareness of self and surroundings beyond the din and bustle of worldly disturbances and turmoil.
Meditation adds meaning and significance to life and fights stress, but very few bother to practice it. The reasons are not very far to seek.
First, it requires strong willpower and an inner urge to meditate. Laziness and lack of determination keep us away from it. We are required to give it the requisite priority and adopt the habit of starting it now. If we postpone it for tomorrow, that tomorrow may never come. Secondly, it calls for faith or intuitive awareness of the presence of eternal cosmic principles or super power which fulfills our sincere efforts. If the same is missing one has to introspect and analyse the purpose of human life and existence. When the mind is silenced the intuition speaks and inner voice whispers. Egotism and intellectual arrogance prohibit peace and silence.
It takes time to gain any good thing in life. Hence patience is a must. We should not crave for instant result.
A beginner is always baffled as to how to start meditation. Right action and virtuous living prepares the foundation. But some practice must follow. One way is to sit comfortably in relaxed position with spine erect and breathe in and breathe out.
This develops concentration and preparation for watching the mind. When mind becomes one-pointed after continuous watch, it is withdrawn from the five senses and fixed on silence. When the body-mind complex is totally silenced with practice and divine wisdom inner peace and silence emerge from within.
It is an advanced yogic method of self-realisation and it takes one through a progressive path to ultimate attainment. At each step, we undergo revelation. It involves cultivation of calmness, concentration, serenity and increasing awareness of self and surroundings beyond the din and bustle of worldly disturbances and turmoil.
Meditation adds meaning and significance to life and fights stress, but very few bother to practice it. The reasons are not very far to seek.
First, it requires strong willpower and an inner urge to meditate. Laziness and lack of determination keep us away from it. We are required to give it the requisite priority and adopt the habit of starting it now. If we postpone it for tomorrow, that tomorrow may never come. Secondly, it calls for faith or intuitive awareness of the presence of eternal cosmic principles or super power which fulfills our sincere efforts. If the same is missing one has to introspect and analyse the purpose of human life and existence. When the mind is silenced the intuition speaks and inner voice whispers. Egotism and intellectual arrogance prohibit peace and silence.
It takes time to gain any good thing in life. Hence patience is a must. We should not crave for instant result.
A beginner is always baffled as to how to start meditation. Right action and virtuous living prepares the foundation. But some practice must follow. One way is to sit comfortably in relaxed position with spine erect and breathe in and breathe out.
This develops concentration and preparation for watching the mind. When mind becomes one-pointed after continuous watch, it is withdrawn from the five senses and fixed on silence. When the body-mind complex is totally silenced with practice and divine wisdom inner peace and silence emerge from within.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Insure the inner-self
We always insure our cars, our homes and our health by taking up policies and paying regular premiums.
But when we come across an accident that stirs, shakes and hurts us deeper than what do we have to fall back upon?
Yesterday, a friend met me completely shaken by the loss of a young nephew, and pained by the trauma that the parents must be undergoing.
The child had succumbed to a viral suddenly turning into a fatal pneumonia, while the father was out of station, travelling for work.
Even though I tried to console her, I found myself a bit jittery. The situation doesn`t seem very alien, except for the final disaster. We all are used to our kids coming back home with sudden virals, breathless, needing emergency treatments.
Life can hit us anytime, anywhere. There is no bigger fear in life than for your kids who define your whole meaning to be, your physical mental and spiritual existence.
We tell our kids that people go to God`s home when they die and that we should try to be good , do good, that there is God, the supreme soul who is watching us. But do we really believe in it. As grownups, we have accumulated skills, wealth, gadgets and friends to last us perhaps more than one lifetime, but we never empowered ourselves for the most unexpected, devastating yet inevitable event. We never stopped and even tried to develop deeper until we were really faced and had to forcibly deal with it.
It is also crucial for us to visit our inner-self more often, to exist and understand life at deeper levels. It is not that will come in one day. Just like the regular premiums we are required to pay, we need to look within regularly, much before something hits us in our faces.
This is the only treasure that grows with use, is infectious, can be shared and lasts even when we are no more.
But when we come across an accident that stirs, shakes and hurts us deeper than what do we have to fall back upon?
Yesterday, a friend met me completely shaken by the loss of a young nephew, and pained by the trauma that the parents must be undergoing.
The child had succumbed to a viral suddenly turning into a fatal pneumonia, while the father was out of station, travelling for work.
Even though I tried to console her, I found myself a bit jittery. The situation doesn`t seem very alien, except for the final disaster. We all are used to our kids coming back home with sudden virals, breathless, needing emergency treatments.
Life can hit us anytime, anywhere. There is no bigger fear in life than for your kids who define your whole meaning to be, your physical mental and spiritual existence.
We tell our kids that people go to God`s home when they die and that we should try to be good , do good, that there is God, the supreme soul who is watching us. But do we really believe in it. As grownups, we have accumulated skills, wealth, gadgets and friends to last us perhaps more than one lifetime, but we never empowered ourselves for the most unexpected, devastating yet inevitable event. We never stopped and even tried to develop deeper until we were really faced and had to forcibly deal with it.
It is also crucial for us to visit our inner-self more often, to exist and understand life at deeper levels. It is not that will come in one day. Just like the regular premiums we are required to pay, we need to look within regularly, much before something hits us in our faces.
This is the only treasure that grows with use, is infectious, can be shared and lasts even when we are no more.
The Ladder of Stress
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE STRESS. WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS HOW WE TAKE IT
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,“ said Shakespeare. Stress is a neutral emotion but it causes distress and many psycho-physical ailments when we view it negatively indulging in self pity.
But positive attitude makes it tremendously motivating and the ladder for success. There is no such thing as positive or negative stress. What really matters is how we take it. In fact, there is no problem which cannot be transformed into a stepping stone for further growth and development with right attitude.
Our altitude of success is proportionate to our inner drive which enables us to tap much more energy than we usually use. The residual reserve energy released by stress leads to better performance and resultant success. But negative emotions weaken the performance and affect our biochemical secretions inviting various ailments.
It is neither possible nor desirable to avoid stress in today's highly competitive world. A smooth sea never makes a good sailor. We must not try to remove stress. We should face the challenges with positive attitude using additional energy released by positive acceptance of stress.
The onward march of civilisation has been possible by voluntary acceptance of stress by different pioneers. Apple has been falling on the ground from time immemorial. But Newton became stressed to trace the law behind. Edison made almost ten thousand futile experiments to invent electric bulb.
Even his friends ridiculed his repeated failures and advised him to give up. But his own inner drive provided him the energy to react, “Who says I have failed? All these times I discovered how an electric bulb cannot be made.“ This positive acceptance of stress led to his phenomenal success. Even when his laboratory was burnt into ashes he took it positively, “Thank God! He has burnt my mistakes into ashes so that I can start afresh.“ Those who succumb to stress accept failure as destiny. It takes courage and positive attitude to accept stress as motivator. Those who can do it become successful.
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,“ said Shakespeare. Stress is a neutral emotion but it causes distress and many psycho-physical ailments when we view it negatively indulging in self pity.
But positive attitude makes it tremendously motivating and the ladder for success. There is no such thing as positive or negative stress. What really matters is how we take it. In fact, there is no problem which cannot be transformed into a stepping stone for further growth and development with right attitude.
Our altitude of success is proportionate to our inner drive which enables us to tap much more energy than we usually use. The residual reserve energy released by stress leads to better performance and resultant success. But negative emotions weaken the performance and affect our biochemical secretions inviting various ailments.
It is neither possible nor desirable to avoid stress in today's highly competitive world. A smooth sea never makes a good sailor. We must not try to remove stress. We should face the challenges with positive attitude using additional energy released by positive acceptance of stress.
The onward march of civilisation has been possible by voluntary acceptance of stress by different pioneers. Apple has been falling on the ground from time immemorial. But Newton became stressed to trace the law behind. Edison made almost ten thousand futile experiments to invent electric bulb.
Even his friends ridiculed his repeated failures and advised him to give up. But his own inner drive provided him the energy to react, “Who says I have failed? All these times I discovered how an electric bulb cannot be made.“ This positive acceptance of stress led to his phenomenal success. Even when his laboratory was burnt into ashes he took it positively, “Thank God! He has burnt my mistakes into ashes so that I can start afresh.“ Those who succumb to stress accept failure as destiny. It takes courage and positive attitude to accept stress as motivator. Those who can do it become successful.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती
लहरों से डर कर नौका पार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
नन्हीं चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर, सौ बार फिसलती है.
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है.
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौटकर आता है.
मिलते नहीं सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में.
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
असफलता एक चुनौती है, इसे स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई, देखो और सुधार करो.
जब तक न सफल हो, नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्श का मैदान छोड़ कर मत भागो तुम.
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जय कार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती...!!
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
नन्हीं चींटी जब दाना लेकर चलती है,
चढ़ती दीवारों पर, सौ बार फिसलती है.
मन का विश्वास रगों में साहस भरता है,
चढ़कर गिरना, गिरकर चढ़ना न अखरता है.
आख़िर उसकी मेहनत बेकार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
डुबकियां सिंधु में गोताखोर लगाता है,
जा जा कर खाली हाथ लौटकर आता है.
मिलते नहीं सहज ही मोती गहरे पानी में,
बढ़ता दुगना उत्साह इसी हैरानी में.
मुट्ठी उसकी खाली हर बार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती.
असफलता एक चुनौती है, इसे स्वीकार करो,
क्या कमी रह गई, देखो और सुधार करो.
जब तक न सफल हो, नींद चैन को त्यागो तुम,
संघर्श का मैदान छोड़ कर मत भागो तुम.
कुछ किये बिना ही जय जय कार नहीं होती,
कोशिश करने वालों की कभी हार नहीं होती...!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
मंजिलो पे आ के लूटते है दिलों के कारवां
कश्तिया साहिल पे अक्सर डूबती है प्यार की
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
जब कदम ही साथ ना दे तो मुसाफिर क्या करे
यूं तो है हमदर्द भी और हमसफ़र भी है मेरा
बढ़ के कोई हाथ ना दे दिल भला फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
डूबने वाले को तिनके का सहारा ही बहोत
दिल बहल जाए फकत इतना इशारा ही बहोत
इतने पर भी आसमान वाला गिरा दे बिजलियाँ
कोई बतला दे ज़रा यह डूबता फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
प्यार करना जुर्म है तो जुर्म हम से हो गया
काबिल-इ-माफ़ी हुआ करते नहीं ऐसे गुनाह
संगदिल है यह जहां और संगदिल मेरा सनम
क्या करे जोश-इ-जूनून और हौसला फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
कश्तिया साहिल पे अक्सर डूबती है प्यार की
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
जब कदम ही साथ ना दे तो मुसाफिर क्या करे
यूं तो है हमदर्द भी और हमसफ़र भी है मेरा
बढ़ के कोई हाथ ना दे दिल भला फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
डूबने वाले को तिनके का सहारा ही बहोत
दिल बहल जाए फकत इतना इशारा ही बहोत
इतने पर भी आसमान वाला गिरा दे बिजलियाँ
कोई बतला दे ज़रा यह डूबता फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
प्यार करना जुर्म है तो जुर्म हम से हो गया
काबिल-इ-माफ़ी हुआ करते नहीं ऐसे गुनाह
संगदिल है यह जहां और संगदिल मेरा सनम
क्या करे जोश-इ-जूनून और हौसला फिर क्या करे
मंजिले अपनी जगह है रास्ते अपनी जगह
The Paradox of our Time!
The paradox of our time in history is that...
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families.
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense.
More knowledge, but less judgment.
More experts, but more problems.
More medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less;
We plan more, but accomplish less;
We've learned to rush, but not to wait;
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
We have more food, but less appeasement;
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...
Dr. Bob Moorehea
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families.
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense.
More knowledge, but less judgment.
More experts, but more problems.
More medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less;
We plan more, but accomplish less;
We've learned to rush, but not to wait;
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
We have more food, but less appeasement;
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...
Dr. Bob Moorehea
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Love
A good relationship is not a game that we play or an ego trip we take. It is about love and two people. Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know but it can also hurt us more that we can ever believe. If we love someone we should be ready to experience not only happiness but heartache as well. That's the reward and risk that it takes. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.
Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and a love that's tender, passionate and lasting. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to us all, takes work ---- because it's about keeping the relationship.
Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other. Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and it takes time to develop.
Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is a blessing. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be No one is perfect. It's true love that closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love that makes a person change for the better.
Although the power of true love is undeniable, a relationship needs commitment too. What is love without commitment from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them. The same goes for our commitments to relationships and to the person we love.
"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find, hard to get, yet easy to break."
Everyday, everywhere...people fall in love. But just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"...but more often that not, the truth is just --- I am IN love with you. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you. This kind of love is temporary and will only lasts as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at night to whirl us back in reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship.
But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were you in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you are only in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.
May you be blessed on your soul-mate searching journey.
TRUST...
"It takes years to build trust and a few seconds to destroy it"
VALUE...
"What is most valuable is not what you have in your life but who you have in your life".
MONEY...
"Money can buy everything but happiness".
DON'T HURT ANYBODY...
"It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love, and it can take years to heal".
LIVE TODAY...
There are two eternities that can break you down. Yesterday and Tomorrow. One is gone and the other doesn't exist... So live today".
MARRIAGE...
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without".
SHARERS...
"A successful relationship is not built on givers and takers only, but on people who also become sharers".
Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and a love that's tender, passionate and lasting. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to us all, takes work ---- because it's about keeping the relationship.
Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other. Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and it takes time to develop.
Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is a blessing. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be No one is perfect. It's true love that closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love that makes a person change for the better.
Although the power of true love is undeniable, a relationship needs commitment too. What is love without commitment from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them. The same goes for our commitments to relationships and to the person we love.
"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find, hard to get, yet easy to break."
Everyday, everywhere...people fall in love. But just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"...but more often that not, the truth is just --- I am IN love with you. There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love with you because of the present you. This kind of love is temporary and will only lasts as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at night to whirl us back in reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship.
But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were you in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you are only in love with the idea of being in love. It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.
May you be blessed on your soul-mate searching journey.
TRUST...
"It takes years to build trust and a few seconds to destroy it"
VALUE...
"What is most valuable is not what you have in your life but who you have in your life".
MONEY...
"Money can buy everything but happiness".
DON'T HURT ANYBODY...
"It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love, and it can take years to heal".
LIVE TODAY...
There are two eternities that can break you down. Yesterday and Tomorrow. One is gone and the other doesn't exist... So live today".
MARRIAGE...
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without".
SHARERS...
"A successful relationship is not built on givers and takers only, but on people who also become sharers".
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Five Lessons About How To Treat People
1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."
5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Made a mistake? Own it
So, can you stand being told you did wrong? Or, do you wait for life to teach you lessons?
If you can divide people into categories based on behaviour, two types you may have come across are — those willing to admit mistakes, and those who refuse to acknowledge they went wrong.
The first will readily agree when you point out they erred and may even seek advice on making amends; or, at least be open to discussion. The second however will cut you out, change the topic or walk out on you. We have all come across people who have a pathological distaste to even mild criticism.
Here we are of course assuming a modicum of intelligence that allows you to analyse a situation dispassionately, a bit of sensitivity, a degree of objectivity and a whole load of courage!
If the one who resists correction is a relative or friend, you feel helpless and frustrated because as a bystander you may be acutely aware of where the problem lies. However, too much insistence may lead to a crack in the relationship. Under such circumstances, should you persist in continuing to point that finger or sheath it in the interest of harmony and let Destiny take its course?
Most would consider it prudent to take a backseat at this juncture, but would that be right? The more sincere amongst us would go on and on with our warnings, especially if the fallout is likely to be unpalatable. You wouldn't want your dear ones to suffer, even if due to their own fault! Others may consider it wiser to recognise the point beyond which no outsider can do anything, so strongly has a person's own will power, mind or Destiny taken over.
Of course, a lot depends on the manner in which you point out a mistake. Instead of an all-out aggressive attack, most people would be far more receptive to mild suggestions and advice.
Sooner or later, even though you may be reluctant to hear others point out your mistakes, the fallout of your actions will be the first and strongest indicator that perhaps there was something that you didn't do quite right. Unless you are a total slave to ego, such a situation leads to introspection, analysis and insights. That's how we grow as humans.
It requires courage to admit you were wrong and it's normally the weak amongst us who cannot bear the burden or guilt of blame. That is not to say that the person pointing the finger is always right, but courage lies in being able to discuss and analyse your methods and decisions even under the most trying circumstances, prepared to admit you could be wrong.
So can you stand being told you did wrong? Or, do you wait for life to teach you lessons? And once you do realise you may have gone wrong, do you have the guts to set right the mistake you made? What if you overcharged someone though they kept insisting you were doing so? What if you underpaid a poor man? Or, screamed at someone innocent? Would you be brave enough to make amends?
Now that requires a different sort of courage, to make amends once you admit you made a mistake. Most people would instinctively not want to be troubled by guilt pangs; so they bury the thought and refuse to meet their own eyes for a few days because eyes tell you the real state of your soul.
Many years ago, a friend on the verge of marriage told me how her fiancé made a tell-all pact with her. His candour and desire to be brutally honest delighted her. Smelling a rat, I warned her to be wary, saying if nothing else, go by your understanding of men in general, go by reams of literature on the subject, such as Thomas Hardy's Tess of D'Urbervilles and yes, also by the wisdom passed down by generations. Don't tell all, even though all in the case of a girl like her from a highly protected environment couldn't have been much! She never paid heed.
Unfortunately, her husband turned out to be exceedingly jealous and in later years, used her innocent confessions as excuses for his compulsive infidelity!
Agreed, an easy way to learn would be to blindly accept the wisdom of generations; to learn about life through others' experiences rather than making your own mistakes. If you start where another left off, you would have that much of a headway. But most of us grow up with the peer pressure of ignoring hand-me-down wisdom. Each generation wants to take their own decisions, make their own mistakes and learn from them. Our instinct is to question and revolt, and do quite the opposite if just to prove we are way ahead of time to our parents!
Well, certainly no harm in experimenting with life so long as you are prepared for the fallout. So long as the stakes aren't so high as to be destructive, one is well within one's rights to say, it's my life and I have the right to make my own mistakes and learn from them!
And truth be told, there is a certain charm in making your own bed and lying on it...
If you can divide people into categories based on behaviour, two types you may have come across are — those willing to admit mistakes, and those who refuse to acknowledge they went wrong.
The first will readily agree when you point out they erred and may even seek advice on making amends; or, at least be open to discussion. The second however will cut you out, change the topic or walk out on you. We have all come across people who have a pathological distaste to even mild criticism.
Here we are of course assuming a modicum of intelligence that allows you to analyse a situation dispassionately, a bit of sensitivity, a degree of objectivity and a whole load of courage!
If the one who resists correction is a relative or friend, you feel helpless and frustrated because as a bystander you may be acutely aware of where the problem lies. However, too much insistence may lead to a crack in the relationship. Under such circumstances, should you persist in continuing to point that finger or sheath it in the interest of harmony and let Destiny take its course?
Most would consider it prudent to take a backseat at this juncture, but would that be right? The more sincere amongst us would go on and on with our warnings, especially if the fallout is likely to be unpalatable. You wouldn't want your dear ones to suffer, even if due to their own fault! Others may consider it wiser to recognise the point beyond which no outsider can do anything, so strongly has a person's own will power, mind or Destiny taken over.
Of course, a lot depends on the manner in which you point out a mistake. Instead of an all-out aggressive attack, most people would be far more receptive to mild suggestions and advice.
Sooner or later, even though you may be reluctant to hear others point out your mistakes, the fallout of your actions will be the first and strongest indicator that perhaps there was something that you didn't do quite right. Unless you are a total slave to ego, such a situation leads to introspection, analysis and insights. That's how we grow as humans.
It requires courage to admit you were wrong and it's normally the weak amongst us who cannot bear the burden or guilt of blame. That is not to say that the person pointing the finger is always right, but courage lies in being able to discuss and analyse your methods and decisions even under the most trying circumstances, prepared to admit you could be wrong.
So can you stand being told you did wrong? Or, do you wait for life to teach you lessons? And once you do realise you may have gone wrong, do you have the guts to set right the mistake you made? What if you overcharged someone though they kept insisting you were doing so? What if you underpaid a poor man? Or, screamed at someone innocent? Would you be brave enough to make amends?
Now that requires a different sort of courage, to make amends once you admit you made a mistake. Most people would instinctively not want to be troubled by guilt pangs; so they bury the thought and refuse to meet their own eyes for a few days because eyes tell you the real state of your soul.
Many years ago, a friend on the verge of marriage told me how her fiancé made a tell-all pact with her. His candour and desire to be brutally honest delighted her. Smelling a rat, I warned her to be wary, saying if nothing else, go by your understanding of men in general, go by reams of literature on the subject, such as Thomas Hardy's Tess of D'Urbervilles and yes, also by the wisdom passed down by generations. Don't tell all, even though all in the case of a girl like her from a highly protected environment couldn't have been much! She never paid heed.
Unfortunately, her husband turned out to be exceedingly jealous and in later years, used her innocent confessions as excuses for his compulsive infidelity!
Agreed, an easy way to learn would be to blindly accept the wisdom of generations; to learn about life through others' experiences rather than making your own mistakes. If you start where another left off, you would have that much of a headway. But most of us grow up with the peer pressure of ignoring hand-me-down wisdom. Each generation wants to take their own decisions, make their own mistakes and learn from them. Our instinct is to question and revolt, and do quite the opposite if just to prove we are way ahead of time to our parents!
Well, certainly no harm in experimenting with life so long as you are prepared for the fallout. So long as the stakes aren't so high as to be destructive, one is well within one's rights to say, it's my life and I have the right to make my own mistakes and learn from them!
And truth be told, there is a certain charm in making your own bed and lying on it...
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
The Paradox of our Time!
The paradox of our time in history is that...
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families.
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense.
More knowledge, but less judgment.
More experts, but more problems.
More medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less;
We plan more, but accomplish less;
We've learned to rush, but not to wait;
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
We have more food, but less appeasement;
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less.
We buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families.
More conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees, but less sense.
More knowledge, but less judgment.
More experts, but more problems.
More medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly,
laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly,
stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little,
watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less;
We plan more, but accomplish less;
We've learned to rush, but not to wait;
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
We have more food, but less appeasement;
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication.
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short character; steep profits, and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure,but less fun; more kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or to just hit delete...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Interpersonal Relationships
It is very important to know about interpersonal relationships - What keeps them going...& what really disturbs them.
Interpersonal relationships get disturbed, when disagreement begins. As long as there is agreement, they don't get disturbed at all. So what disturbs a relationship? ... Disagreement.
Now take a look at yourself... Have you always agreed with yourself?
you have not agreed. You had an idea yesterday... and today, you have a different idea! Five years back you had different ideas and they did not necessarily agree with the ideas you have today. So when you can have a disagreement with yourself, why not with someone else, next to you? The person, with whom you have a disagreement, is just an old photocopy of your old self - or maybe even a new copy ! What you disagree with today, you may agree on, three years from now. So you need to take a look at your own thought patterns and your emotional patterns
Interpersonal relationships get disturbed, when disagreement begins. As long as there is agreement, they don't get disturbed at all. So what disturbs a relationship? ... Disagreement.
Now take a look at yourself... Have you always agreed with yourself?
you have not agreed. You had an idea yesterday... and today, you have a different idea! Five years back you had different ideas and they did not necessarily agree with the ideas you have today. So when you can have a disagreement with yourself, why not with someone else, next to you? The person, with whom you have a disagreement, is just an old photocopy of your old self - or maybe even a new copy ! What you disagree with today, you may agree on, three years from now. So you need to take a look at your own thought patterns and your emotional patterns
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Good Advice
One: Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
Two: Marry a man / woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Three: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
Four: When you say, "I love you," mean it.
Five: When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Six: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Seven: Believe in love at first sight.
Eight: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
Nine: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
Ten: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
Eleven: Don't judge people by their relatives.
Twelve: Talk slowly but think quickly.
Thirteen: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Fourteen: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Fifteen: Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
Sixteen: When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Seventeen: Remember the three Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
Eighteen: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Nineteen: When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Twenty: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Twenty-One: Spend some time alone.
Two: Marry a man / woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
Three: Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
Four: When you say, "I love you," mean it.
Five: When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
Six: Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
Seven: Believe in love at first sight.
Eight: Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
Nine: Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
Ten: In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
Eleven: Don't judge people by their relatives.
Twelve: Talk slowly but think quickly.
Thirteen: When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
Fourteen: Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
Fifteen: Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
Sixteen: When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Seventeen: Remember the three Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
Eighteen: Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Nineteen: When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Twenty: Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
Twenty-One: Spend some time alone.
Very Simple Secrets of Happiness
Most people feel happy only when their material desires are satisfied. I have found, though, that happiness is a sensation that has little to do with external forces, such as what we possess and what we earn.
Instead, it is an emotional state that we can turn on and off at will. By embracing the talents and opportunities we're given instead of clinging to the pain we've suffered in the past, we can create internal joy at any time.
Steps to take that will help you feel true happiness:
Take responsibility for your mistakes. We fear others will dislike us when we make mistakes, so we torture ourselves by trying to hide or deny them. In fact, what people dislike are the excuses and the blame used to cover up mistakes. Owning up to your mistakes shows you care and helps bring resolution and healing.
Helpful:
Forgive yourself first, which is perhaps the biggest hurdle. Mistakes are tough on self-esteem if you aim to be perfect. However, no one gets through life without making a few.
Apologize and rectify the error. Others will welcome your help, and you'll feel happier with yourself for taking constructive action.
Think of the most recent mistake you've made. If you haven't made amends, it's probably not too late to say, "I'm sorry."
Stay in charge of your thoughts and feelings. Although you can't control events, you can manage your reactions to them. Only you can decide whether to choose harmony or turmoil.
Example: After some treasured family heirlooms were stolen from me several years ago, I realized that my anger had taken over my thoughts. Only by vividly picturing the thief using the robbery money to buy presents for his children was I able to reclaim my thoughts. Unrealistic? Probably, but instead of obsessing about the injustice, I was able to get beyond my resentment.
Helpful:
Use mental imagery. Holding a positive image in your mind crowds out negativity, and positive thoughts have been shown to create happier feelings.
Exaggerate your troubles, stretching complaints to such hilarious limits that you end up laughing.
Take a time-out. Go for a nature walk. The outdoors is a natural tonic. Or meditate, listen to music or give yourself a pep talk.
Have faith that you can overcome obstacles. Why give up in despair when nature constantly gives us the hopeful message that we can always find a way?
Example: Jogging on a recently repaved road, I noticed one area of the new asphalt changing over a period of weeks. It first rose up several inches, then cracked, then opened like a volcano. What emerged was foliage.
Trapped under the pavement, a skunk cabbage seed had grown into a plant so hardy it broke right through to the light and air.
Everyone faces walls and barriers. The unhappy choice is to let them stop you. Believing you can find an opening to grow and blossom is the joyous, life-affirming option.
Helpful:
Be open to redirection. When things don't go as you have planned, stop and think where this different path might be leading you. Events that at first seem to be unfortunate or undesirable may actually provide surprising advantages.
Judge each problem as an opportunity to grow. Many patients I've treated and counseled over the years have said their illnesses taught them to value their lives and implement wonderful changes.
You don't have to "break through the pavement" in a single day. Take troubles one step at a time. Celebrate each sign of progress before taking the next step.
Deal constructively with criticism. The Sufi poet Rumi wrote, "Criticism polishes my mirror."
Regarding criticism as a threat, an insult or proof that you're worthless won't make you happy. Instead, it is better to take a more optimistic view and see criticism as a learning tool to help you improve.
I've been fortunate to have many critics among my patients. When people give you criticism, it means they feel you are willing to listen and change.
Helpful:
Evaluate the source of the criticism. Those who love finding fault with everyone will only scratch your mirror, not polish it.
When criticized by people you trust, think of yourself as an athlete getting direction and support from a coach who wants to see you perform better.
Don't let criticism shake your confidence. Use appraisals as a way to help you reach a higher level of performance.
Instead, it is an emotional state that we can turn on and off at will. By embracing the talents and opportunities we're given instead of clinging to the pain we've suffered in the past, we can create internal joy at any time.
Steps to take that will help you feel true happiness:
Take responsibility for your mistakes. We fear others will dislike us when we make mistakes, so we torture ourselves by trying to hide or deny them. In fact, what people dislike are the excuses and the blame used to cover up mistakes. Owning up to your mistakes shows you care and helps bring resolution and healing.
Helpful:
Forgive yourself first, which is perhaps the biggest hurdle. Mistakes are tough on self-esteem if you aim to be perfect. However, no one gets through life without making a few.
Apologize and rectify the error. Others will welcome your help, and you'll feel happier with yourself for taking constructive action.
Think of the most recent mistake you've made. If you haven't made amends, it's probably not too late to say, "I'm sorry."
Stay in charge of your thoughts and feelings. Although you can't control events, you can manage your reactions to them. Only you can decide whether to choose harmony or turmoil.
Example: After some treasured family heirlooms were stolen from me several years ago, I realized that my anger had taken over my thoughts. Only by vividly picturing the thief using the robbery money to buy presents for his children was I able to reclaim my thoughts. Unrealistic? Probably, but instead of obsessing about the injustice, I was able to get beyond my resentment.
Helpful:
Use mental imagery. Holding a positive image in your mind crowds out negativity, and positive thoughts have been shown to create happier feelings.
Exaggerate your troubles, stretching complaints to such hilarious limits that you end up laughing.
Take a time-out. Go for a nature walk. The outdoors is a natural tonic. Or meditate, listen to music or give yourself a pep talk.
Have faith that you can overcome obstacles. Why give up in despair when nature constantly gives us the hopeful message that we can always find a way?
Example: Jogging on a recently repaved road, I noticed one area of the new asphalt changing over a period of weeks. It first rose up several inches, then cracked, then opened like a volcano. What emerged was foliage.
Trapped under the pavement, a skunk cabbage seed had grown into a plant so hardy it broke right through to the light and air.
Everyone faces walls and barriers. The unhappy choice is to let them stop you. Believing you can find an opening to grow and blossom is the joyous, life-affirming option.
Helpful:
Be open to redirection. When things don't go as you have planned, stop and think where this different path might be leading you. Events that at first seem to be unfortunate or undesirable may actually provide surprising advantages.
Judge each problem as an opportunity to grow. Many patients I've treated and counseled over the years have said their illnesses taught them to value their lives and implement wonderful changes.
You don't have to "break through the pavement" in a single day. Take troubles one step at a time. Celebrate each sign of progress before taking the next step.
Deal constructively with criticism. The Sufi poet Rumi wrote, "Criticism polishes my mirror."
Regarding criticism as a threat, an insult or proof that you're worthless won't make you happy. Instead, it is better to take a more optimistic view and see criticism as a learning tool to help you improve.
I've been fortunate to have many critics among my patients. When people give you criticism, it means they feel you are willing to listen and change.
Helpful:
Evaluate the source of the criticism. Those who love finding fault with everyone will only scratch your mirror, not polish it.
When criticized by people you trust, think of yourself as an athlete getting direction and support from a coach who wants to see you perform better.
Don't let criticism shake your confidence. Use appraisals as a way to help you reach a higher level of performance.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Internet Protocol Address
This number is an exclusive number all information technology devices (printers, routers, modems, et al) use which identifies and allows them the ability to communicate with each other on a computer network. There is a standard of communication which is called an Internet Protocol standard (IP). In laymans terms it is the same as your home address. In order for you to receive snail mail at home the sending party must have your correct mailing address (IP address) in your town (network) or you do not receive bills, pizza coupons or your tax refund. The same is true for all equipment on the internet. Without this specific address, information cannot be received. IP addresses may either be assigned permanently for an Email server/Business server or a permanent home resident or temporarily, from a pool of available addresses (first come first serve) from your Internet Service Provider. A permanent number may not be available in all areas and may cost extra so be sure to ask your ISP.
Domain Name System (DNS): This allows the IP address to be translated to words. It is much easier for us to remember a word than a series of numbers. The same is true for email addresses.
For example, it is much easier for you to remember a web address name such as whatismyip.com than it is to remember 192.168.1.1 or in the case of email it is much easier to remember email@somedomain.com than email@192.168.1.1
Dynamic IP: One that is not static and could change at any time. This type of IP is issued to you from a pool of IP addresses allocated by your ISP or DHCP Server. This is for a large number of customers that do not require the same IP all the time for a variety of reasons. Your computer will automatically get this number as it logs on to the network and saves you the trouble of having to know details regarding the specific network configurations. This number can be assigned to anyone using a dial-up connection, Wireless and High Speed Internet connections. If you need to run your own email server or web server, it would be best to have a static IP.
Static IP: One that is fixed and never changes. This is in contrast to a dynamic IP which may change at any time. Most ISP's a single static IP or a block of static IP's for a few extra bucks a month.
IP version 4: Currently used by most network devices. However, with more and more computers accessing the internet, IPv4 IPs are running out quickly. Just like in a city, addresses have to be created for new neighborhoods but, if your neighborhood gets too large, you will have to come up with an entire new pool of addresses. IPv4 is limited to 4,294,967,296 IPs.
IP version 5: This is an experimental protocol for UNIX based systems. In keeping with standard UNIX (a computer Operating System) release conventions, all odd-numbered versions are considered experimental. It was never intended to be used by the general public.
IP version 6: The replacement for the aging IPv4. The estimated number of unique IPs for IPv6 is 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,456 or 2^128.
The old and current standard of IPs was this: 192.168.100.100 the new way can be written different ways but means the same and are all valid:
* 1080:0000:0000:0000:0000:0034:0000:417A
* 1080:0:0:0:0:34:0:417A
* 1080::34:0:417A
How To Determine If Your Computer Is Being Assigned The External IP Address
For Windows 2000, XP, and 2003
1. Click Start
2. Click Run
3. Type in cmd and hit ok
4. Type ipconfig and hit enter
For Vista
1. Click Start
2. Click All Programs expand the Accessories menu
3. In the Accessories menu, Right Click Command Prompt and choose Run as administrator
4. Type ipconfig hit enter
Results
If you see an IP that resembles 192.168.n.n then this is an internal IP address assigned by a router. So your router is getting your external IP address. If the IP displayed in the command prompt window matches the one shown on What Is My IP then your computer is being assigned your external IP.
Domain Name System (DNS): This allows the IP address to be translated to words. It is much easier for us to remember a word than a series of numbers. The same is true for email addresses.
For example, it is much easier for you to remember a web address name such as whatismyip.com than it is to remember 192.168.1.1 or in the case of email it is much easier to remember email@somedomain.com than email@192.168.1.1
Dynamic IP: One that is not static and could change at any time. This type of IP is issued to you from a pool of IP addresses allocated by your ISP or DHCP Server. This is for a large number of customers that do not require the same IP all the time for a variety of reasons. Your computer will automatically get this number as it logs on to the network and saves you the trouble of having to know details regarding the specific network configurations. This number can be assigned to anyone using a dial-up connection, Wireless and High Speed Internet connections. If you need to run your own email server or web server, it would be best to have a static IP.
Static IP: One that is fixed and never changes. This is in contrast to a dynamic IP which may change at any time. Most ISP's a single static IP or a block of static IP's for a few extra bucks a month.
IP version 4: Currently used by most network devices. However, with more and more computers accessing the internet, IPv4 IPs are running out quickly. Just like in a city, addresses have to be created for new neighborhoods but, if your neighborhood gets too large, you will have to come up with an entire new pool of addresses. IPv4 is limited to 4,294,967,296 IPs.
IP version 5: This is an experimental protocol for UNIX based systems. In keeping with standard UNIX (a computer Operating System) release conventions, all odd-numbered versions are considered experimental. It was never intended to be used by the general public.
IP version 6: The replacement for the aging IPv4. The estimated number of unique IPs for IPv6 is 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,456 or 2^128.
The old and current standard of IPs was this: 192.168.100.100 the new way can be written different ways but means the same and are all valid:
* 1080:0000:0000:0000:0000:0034:0000:417A
* 1080:0:0:0:0:34:0:417A
* 1080::34:0:417A
How To Determine If Your Computer Is Being Assigned The External IP Address
For Windows 2000, XP, and 2003
1. Click Start
2. Click Run
3. Type in cmd and hit ok
4. Type ipconfig and hit enter
For Vista
1. Click Start
2. Click All Programs expand the Accessories menu
3. In the Accessories menu, Right Click Command Prompt and choose Run as administrator
4. Type ipconfig hit enter
Results
If you see an IP that resembles 192.168.n.n then this is an internal IP address assigned by a router. So your router is getting your external IP address. If the IP displayed in the command prompt window matches the one shown on What Is My IP then your computer is being assigned your external IP.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Lesson in Life
1. I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
2. I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
3. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
4. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
5. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
6. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
7. I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
8. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
9. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
10. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
11. I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
12. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
13. I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
14. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
15. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
16. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
17. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
18. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
19. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
20. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
21. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
22. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
23. I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
24. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
25. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
26. I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
27. I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon
28. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
29. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
31. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
32. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
33. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts
34. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
35. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
36. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
37. It may be the last time you see them.
38. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
39. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
40. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
41. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
42. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
43. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
44. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself
45. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
2. I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
3. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.
4. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
5. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
6. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
7. I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
8. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
9. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
10. I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
11. I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
12. I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
13. I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
14. I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
15. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
16. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
17. I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.
18. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
19. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
20. I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
21. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.
22. I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
23. I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.
24. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
25. I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.
26. I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
27. I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon
28. I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
29. All you can do is be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.
31. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
32. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
33. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts
34. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
35. I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
36. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
37. It may be the last time you see them.
38. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
39. I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
40. I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
41. I've learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
42. I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
43. I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
44. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself
45. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
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