“The sun never sets on one's problems“. How true! I had heard this many years ago. Life is such that problems keep cropping up every now and then. I, too, had my share of problems. But the profound statement would surface in my mind and enable me to wade through the problems without getting disheartened.
Once I found myself in such dire straits that there seemed to be no way out. It happened when I had lost my job, which was my only source of livelihood and my only hope of continued education. Things worsened as time passed.
Soon a day came when I did not know as to how to arrange for the next meal.
The wolf was standing at the door. Several days went by one after the other with nothing but plain water to subsist on. And I had no one around to look up to. I had huge responsibilities to fulfill and so the thought of suicide could never enter my mind.
How did I muster the courage to get over the calamitous situation? First, my faith that this phase would pass. And what fuelled my faith were two priceless books I had read. One of these was the Diary of Columbus. The great mariner and visionary records the progress of his voyage of discovery at the end of each day. It seemed to be an endless sailing through the turbulent waters of the North Pacific Ocean. For days on what Columbus recorded in the Diary was the repeat of a one-line statement: “This day we sailed on, course WSW (west south west)“. No sight of land day after day. Columbus was the only one on the ship who would look forward to the next day with renewed hope while all his mates kept cajoling him to turn back.
The other book that helped boost my dipping morale was Lust for Life. It was about the life, work and struggle of the immortal Dutch painter of the 19th Century, Vincent Von Ghogh, each of whose paintings ironically fetched millions of dollars after his death.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
Believe in self
When we have a worthy undertaking, we must make a sincere effort and must never go only half way through. Only then God will come to our help.
Right effort is important for one who is aiming at spiritual enlightenment. It is part of the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path.
The Bible stresses on industriousness in different words: “Go to the ant, thou sluggard and observe its ways and be wise.“ Somerset Maugham wrote a short story criticising this teaching of the Bible and emphasised on chance, among other factors. But chance generally favours those who make an effort.
The Gita stresses on effort and not the reward presumably because such an attitude enables us to perform a task better. What are the driving forces for effort? Most people are driven by the desires for sex, money and power, while a few are interested in the pursuit of knowledge or philanthropy. Or people have these different motivations in different proportions. Putting it differently, psychologists say that man is motivated by the desires for love and sex, achievement or power. For creative work, the motivation comes from within. One has an urge to express oneself by say writing or painting and cannot rest till it is done.
According to Khushwant Singh, a man becomes a writer when he has a compelling passion to become one and he is not primarily driven by the desire for wealth or fame.
One's own efforts are necessary for learning the major lessons in life in the form of say reading books. As Oscar Wilde said: “Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.“
While making an effort, one needs to believe in oneself and the value of the undertaking. A person trying to give up tobacco must have the faith that if he abstains for a week, the craving will die out almost completely.
When we face odds, it is important to keep on trying, for as someone said: “There is no failure except in no longer trying.“
Friday, January 7, 2011
How To Make Your Bond Stronger.....Few Tips
When starting from scratch about breakups in marriage and what causes it, a great number of people might term rate incompatibility as highest. But one among the many reasons is also the lack of emotional satisfaction especially in the husband. It’s not the battle of the sexes and yes, we’re breaking the myth that men (not a sex maniac) just needs physically satisfaction. It’s true, women of late, tend to not know how to satisfy their husbands emotionally. One might need to pause a bit and rethink on certain points that they might tend to ignore, thanks to their busy lives.
1. MISS UNDERSTAND:
Well, magazines, relationship articles and any close friend cum agony aunt might have told you this a zillion times, and we second them all; understanding is the key to any relationship. Psychologist Anjali Chhabria, says “Men are normally people of fewer words. So learn to understand what they don’t say.” Marriage is more than just what our ancestors said, the sacred institution between two people. You need to understand your man. He just might be the most confident person on the outside, but extremely insecure from inside. Try knowing him and make him feel that you do care about him.
2. COMMUNICATE:
Men might portray they are content with it all, but they do need emotional satisfaction like any other human being. Men even might tag a woman as the gossip-queen, the chatterbox, but well, they are not any less themselves. It makes them feel important if their wife listens to the little things they have to say. Psychologist Chandni Mehta says, “Emotional stimulation is extremely important for one to be interested in any relationship. Bond with your husband on issues like discussing his friends, family, expectations, etc. When he feels the need for an ego kick, sort it out by easing him into a conversation. Never ever put him on a pedestal or judge him cutright as then he just won’t connect. Even if you are not all comfortable about certain things he says, just lend him a ear. Sensitivity is important. You may be shocked to know this, but at times, men prefer sensitive conversation to sex.”
3. THE PHYSICAL ASPECT:
Like Chhabria says, the difference between the two genders is that, men need sex for love and woman need love for sex. The physical aspect is very important and that's what makes a marriage different from all relationships. Well, like we all know, when one has indulged in getting physically with someone, the emotional aspect plays subconsciously. Make your husband feel that you are happy and satisfied with him physically.
4. DON’T PLAY GAMES:
Portray yourself like you are. Psychologist Varkha Chulani says, “Authenticity is the first bond of emotional connection. If he sees you naked physically, he should also be able to see you naked emotionally. The climate of trust is built on the transparency of a relationship. There should be no manipulation or game play involved.”
5. SPACE HIM OUT, RIGHTLY:
It is important that he shares his thoughts with you. But don’t nag him to know everything about his life. Like Mehta says never set rules. Men don’t like to be instructed especially by his wife. Well, his way is not always the wrong way. “He doesn't need a ‘Miss Know It All’ who keeps criticising him constantly,” says Chhabria. And yes, there are other roles he might be playing, that of a son, a friend and a brother. You don’t need to track him down 24*7.
6. THE WORD IS MUTUAL:
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial. Chulani chalks this out by saying that he should be able to believe that being with you will enhance him as a person. The more self-enhanced he feels in your presence, the more emotionally will he connect with you. He will be in an emotionally better place only if you make him feel a better self.
With all this, you should remember that we’re talking about keeping your husband emotionally satisfied. But then, it’s not just about setting aside your life and solely prioritising his aspirations and interests. It’s also about balancing it out in the right way so as to make yours more than just a ‘Happy Beginning’.
1. MISS UNDERSTAND:
Well, magazines, relationship articles and any close friend cum agony aunt might have told you this a zillion times, and we second them all; understanding is the key to any relationship. Psychologist Anjali Chhabria, says “Men are normally people of fewer words. So learn to understand what they don’t say.” Marriage is more than just what our ancestors said, the sacred institution between two people. You need to understand your man. He just might be the most confident person on the outside, but extremely insecure from inside. Try knowing him and make him feel that you do care about him.
2. COMMUNICATE:
Men might portray they are content with it all, but they do need emotional satisfaction like any other human being. Men even might tag a woman as the gossip-queen, the chatterbox, but well, they are not any less themselves. It makes them feel important if their wife listens to the little things they have to say. Psychologist Chandni Mehta says, “Emotional stimulation is extremely important for one to be interested in any relationship. Bond with your husband on issues like discussing his friends, family, expectations, etc. When he feels the need for an ego kick, sort it out by easing him into a conversation. Never ever put him on a pedestal or judge him cutright as then he just won’t connect. Even if you are not all comfortable about certain things he says, just lend him a ear. Sensitivity is important. You may be shocked to know this, but at times, men prefer sensitive conversation to sex.”
3. THE PHYSICAL ASPECT:
Like Chhabria says, the difference between the two genders is that, men need sex for love and woman need love for sex. The physical aspect is very important and that's what makes a marriage different from all relationships. Well, like we all know, when one has indulged in getting physically with someone, the emotional aspect plays subconsciously. Make your husband feel that you are happy and satisfied with him physically.
4. DON’T PLAY GAMES:
Portray yourself like you are. Psychologist Varkha Chulani says, “Authenticity is the first bond of emotional connection. If he sees you naked physically, he should also be able to see you naked emotionally. The climate of trust is built on the transparency of a relationship. There should be no manipulation or game play involved.”
5. SPACE HIM OUT, RIGHTLY:
It is important that he shares his thoughts with you. But don’t nag him to know everything about his life. Like Mehta says never set rules. Men don’t like to be instructed especially by his wife. Well, his way is not always the wrong way. “He doesn't need a ‘Miss Know It All’ who keeps criticising him constantly,” says Chhabria. And yes, there are other roles he might be playing, that of a son, a friend and a brother. You don’t need to track him down 24*7.
6. THE WORD IS MUTUAL:
Relationships are meant to be mutually beneficial. Chulani chalks this out by saying that he should be able to believe that being with you will enhance him as a person. The more self-enhanced he feels in your presence, the more emotionally will he connect with you. He will be in an emotionally better place only if you make him feel a better self.
With all this, you should remember that we’re talking about keeping your husband emotionally satisfied. But then, it’s not just about setting aside your life and solely prioritising his aspirations and interests. It’s also about balancing it out in the right way so as to make yours more than just a ‘Happy Beginning’.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The Way to God(Supreme Power)
Once Lakshmana asked Ram, " Brother, how amazing it is that such a wise man like Vasishtha wept bitterly at the death of his son." Rama said, " Brother, he who has knowledge must also have ignorance. He who is aware of light is also aware of darkness and Brahma is beyond knowledge and ignorance, virtue and vice, merit and demerit, cleanliness and uncleanliness."
He said, "This world is superimposed upon Brahman and we can "see" the "world" and not Brahman. The same is the case when we see a rope as snake. In essence, the rope is real but our ignorance makes us see it as a snake. Brahma is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. It is eternal, ever blissful and pure consciousness. It is the very essence of everything but our ignorance sees the world, not Brahma. It is by going beyond the knowledge and ignorance only one can realise God.
The unwavering conviction that God alone dwells in all beings is knowledge and to know him intimately is a richer knowledge. When a thorn gets into one's foot, we need a second thorn to take it out and when it is out, we throw away both the thorns.
In the same way, one has to procure the thorn of knowledge to remove the thorn of ignorance, and then one must set aside both knowledge and ignorance and try to realise God, as God is beyond both knowledge and ignorance.
God is in us but we are not conscious of it because of ignorance. The more one becomes pure, the more one feels the tangible and living presence of God within. God visits the inward man. But, most of us are extroverts. We are so captivated by the outside world that we cease to be inward in our outlook.
No extrovert can hope to get spiritual bliss. To get spiritual bliss, one has to become an introvert. One can be extrovert for carrying out his day to day dealings, but along with it he must be introvert to reach perfection.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)